頂嘴 Talking Back English Version Part 2

DEFINING "TALKING BACK" TO CHILDREN Once you cool down, talk about the situation and problem with your children.  Explain what attitudes and speech are generally regarded as disrespectful, and in what ways they can handle conflict and anger more effectively.  To make it clearer, try role play with your children from which they can feel the differences between respect and disrespect through various scenarios.  You may also write notes to them to express your thoughts.  More importantly, express your willingness to listen to them and their explanation.

AVOID ARGUMENTS Their behaviours may irritate you, but you are not to give a counterattack for it is not a way to help change their behaviour instead, it will only trigger a quarrel.  Respond calmly and tell them that you will not allow them to talk this way, or that you will stop talking and listening to them if they continue to speak in such a tone.  Walk away if this will not stop them, but agree to talk to them again after they calm down.  You can also tell them to go to their rooms to calm themselves and to think about their behaviours.  Your response to their impoliteness need to be coherent for it will tell the children that they will not get any response from you if they act disrespectfully.

INTRODUCING CONSEQUENCES If stopping the conversation is not effective, let them learn that this kind of behaviour will bring about punishment.  Let the children compromise or draft the disciplines with you before executing them, so that they understand the consequences of their behaviours.  If you can be consistent in using the punishment whenever they are needed and with their advanced understanding of it, they may be more likely to avoid such behaviour.

MENTIONING POSITIVE BEHAVIOURS Many parents make the same mistake: reproaching negative behaviours of their children yet seldom giving praise to their positive ones.  If you are one of them, you should start praising explicitly to your children when they behave respectfully, so that they know what the improvements in their behaviours are worth.  You may also introduce a reward chart from which they can redeem some privileges (such as going to the cinema) after accomplishing certain improvements.

It is never easy to make over children's behaviours, so do not expect them to become refined and courteous overnight.  Children need time to learn and to make improvements bit by bit.  Parental assistance is crucial during the process.  Do not be frustrated when one way does not seem working because there is no one way to nurture your children.

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