頂嘴 Talking Back English Version Part 1

Talking Back

Children from age 5 may begin to talk back.  Getting sasses as replies can be disturbing and fretful to adults, and can potentially increase the friction between the children and the adults.  If parents do not try to remodel this rude and disrespectful behaviour of their children, the possible consequence may prevent others from approaching these children.

Causes leading children to talk back or act disrespectfully vary, with some common ones including: feeling ill, tired, stressed, jealous, disappointed or being neglected; trying to show their independence as their age increases; ways of dealing with anger, frustration and the use of sarcasm, and their understanding of respect.  Parents' attitudes and behaviours play a big role in influencing their children - they could unconsciously imitate if they see their parents being impolite to their grandparents.

Guiding children to a behaviour makeover

OBSERVING CHILDREN'S TENDENCIES In what circumstances are children likely to act disrespectfully? Is it when they feel tired, vexed, or when they desire attention from parents? Understanding what likely provokes their rude behaviour can help you to figure out the remedies early - if it is the former that cause them to be rude, allow some time out for rest, or find other ways to let our and express their emotions (such as drawing).  If the latter is often the cause, be sure that you are there for them to communicate and listen to as it can prevent them form acting out to get their parents' attention.  Also keep an eye out for possible external influences (such as that from the media and peers) on the children's speech and attitudes, and initiate the interventions accordingly.

CLARIFYING YOUR BASELINE Understand how you define rudeness before explaining it to your children.  You can get an idea of it by observing your children's attitudes, speech and actions - do they roll their eyes or smirk disdainfully or reply in crude tones when you talk with them? Point out these behaviours as disdainful and disrespectful, and therefore is unaccepted by most when they do it.

CONTROLLING EMOTIONS You may become enraged and scream at your children when you feel your authority as a parent is challenged by their disrespectful behaviours.  Reacting against their rudeness in that way, however, does no good in making over such behaviours because your response actually implies to the children that anger can be vented with abhorrent and uncontrollable screams and yells that are not seen as respectful behaviour to most.  Instead, calm down before answering your children's rude attitudes, so as to model your ways of handling conflicts, frustration, and anger through understanding what stirs up the anger and then looking for ways (such as diverting the attention by doing something else) to control the emotions.  If you are really furious, tell your children the truth and that you need to be alone for some time which can also allow time for them to also calm themselves.

TO BE CONTINUE.......(頂嘴 Talking Back English Version Part 2)